I have been contemplating writing this blog for several months. It is kinda crazy, but I started this blog so that I could try to keep a journal of sorts. As you can see, I don't know that I am any better at it in this format, than I was in keeping a journal in a book. Ah well.
My daughter also told me that usually when people write a blog, they tackle one subject for each entry. I guess I just don't think that way. And what I want to write about today is going to tie in with the things I have already written.
A few months ago I went through a difficult time with depression. I don't think it was clinical depression; I just was having a hard time being happy. That is pretty foreign to my normal self, so it upset me quite a bit. It just seemed that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake this feeling of being sad and even more, not good enough. I wondered if it might be that my thyroid was out of whack. I have been on thyroid medication for several years, so I thought maybe that my medication was off.
I went for weeks thinking I would never be really happy again. I talked to my hubby about all of these feelings and he said, "You know, this is a choice." I wasn't too happy about that, but thinking about it, I realized that he was right. Again, I don't think that this was clinical depression, and I am very aware that the clinical kind is not a choice.
So, I tried to make some conscientious decisions to be happier. But, it kind of felt like slogging through mud. Still struggled to be happy.
Then, a couple of things happened that helped me. And I want to write this blog to share what helped me, because I am hoping that it will help some others that are going through the same kinds of things right now.
Melanie Aird, taught a class in Relief Society. I don't remember everything about her lesson, but I do remember something that she said, that really stuck with me, and rang so, so true. I'm sure I won't quote her completely accurately, but basically she said that Heavenly Father would never tell us that we are not good enough. He would say things to us that are uplifting and helpful, not things that would make us feel worse about ourselves. He loves us completely and wants all that is best for us. She didn't say that Satan is the Great Liar, but that is one of the things that I came away from that lesson believing. Satan
wants us to believe that we are no good. He
wants us to think that whatever we do, it won't be enough. He
wants us to believe that we will never be able to make it back to Heavenly Father, because we will never be good enough.
So, now I had some armor to put on! I would quit listening to him...that big liar. And for the most part, it worked. I still had some times when he would sneak back into my thoughts, and I would struggle a little, but, I knew where those negative thoughts were coming from, so I would shake myself, and say, "No! I am NOT going to listen to this."
Then two more things came into the picture that also helped me a lot.
McKenzie Macdonald said something in a Sunday School lesson that also struck a chord with me. She mentioned that her voice teacher told her that when you sing, your body vibrates. This is because your body
is the instrument when you sing. That made sense, but then I started thinking about it in a little different light. When you sing the hymns of Zion, or the Primary children songs, then not just your body vibrates, but also your spirit. The spirit vibrates with
truth! And when your spirit is vibrating with truths, then your spirits lift. I don't think it is enough to just listen to that wonderful music; I think that you need to
sing and vibrate those truths through your whole soul. I love the hymns. I am happy to sing them. I love the Primary songs. I am happy to sing them. My voice is not so great anymore, but still I sing. Usually in my car, where other people can't hear me. Then I don't need to worry about how it sounds.
My son, Adam, mentioned today that it also works the other way. That if you listen to music that is
not uplifting, it has the opposite effect on you. I hadn't really thought of that, because I just don't listen to that kind of music anymore. I listen to Tab Choir most of the time. I very rarely listen to the radio.
I know that there are good songs on the radio. Some are lots of fun to listen to. But, I just don't listen to it anymore.
The last thing is The Book of Mormon.
I LOVE the Book of Mormon. I KNOW that it is true. And I know that it has a power like no other book. It LIFTS my spirit. It makes everything better. It helps me to handle hard situations better. I made a goal this year to read in the Book of Mormon every day and really study it. Read all the footnotes. A Big undertaking. But, I wasn't very good at doing it. I didn't read every day. And the process was long. I enjoyed doing it when I actually did it, but I wasn't very faithful. Then, my sister came to visit from Arizona, and she mentioned that her son's mission president gave the missionaries a challenge to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. She decided that her family would join her son in this challenge. And I decided I would like to do it with them. So, I figured out how many pages I would need to read in a day to finish by year's end.
I have missed a couple of days since then. I make it up the next day. But, the most wonderful thing has been happening. I am being
filled with light. Light that is lifting and happy and wonderful!! Okay, so I know that reading the Book of Mormon blesses your life. But, even knowing that, I am not that great at reading every day. Maybe partly because I wanted to study it! But, what I need right now, is reading it. And I have been doing
much better. I need this light and this lift. I don't want to ever miss a day again.
When I was the Young Women's President in Missouri, I used to tell the girls that the more good things and right things they would put into their lives, the closer they would be to Heavenly Father. And it is true for me too. And everyone, I believe. Fill your mind with positive thoughts. Let Heavenly Father fill your thoughts with His love. He
does love you! Fill your life with amazing good music that lifts your spirits. Fill your mind with the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. My son, Adam, said that the Book of Mormon is the
key to HOPE. That reading the Book of Mormon gives us hope. I believe this is so true!
When our minds are full of good things, it is much harder for the bad things to get in. President Packer gave a talk once on having the stage of our mind full of good things so that the bad things cannot get on it. He used to say to sing a hymn. It works a mighty change in me. I'm sure that it can in others.
I also, recently watched a video that my sister shared on Facebook. The man was talking about how to change your attitude from pessimism to positive thinking. He mentioned five things that are now a list stuck to my computer.
1. Think of three things each day that you are thankful for.
2. Keep a journal.
3. Exercise.
4. Meditate.
5. Do one act of random kindness each day.
I am not perfect in doing all these things, but I am endeavoring to be better. I can see how these things could help in being a more positive person though.
Now, because I want to share one more thing with you, I am going to. I listened to Music and the Spoken Word last Sunday. I don't get that opportunity very often, but I was able to, and got another tender mercy from the Lord. Here is the message that was so profound to me:
Spoken Word
“We Need Everyone”
We live in a society
that often seems to value outgoing, adventurous personalities over others. In a
variety of ways, our culture suggests that we need to be bold to be successful,
talkative to be happy, even loud to be worth hearing. This message is so
pervasive that those who are more introspective, private, and quiet can begin
to feel ashamed of their personality traits. They may long to be the life of
the party-not the one who sits in the corner, lost in thought. They might think
they need to be the one with many friends-not the one who enjoys fewer but
deeper relationships. The culture may lead them to think that it’s better to be
the center of attention-not the one who is content to observe.
The truth is that much
of this world’s most inspiring art, most important discoveries, most
influential ideas, and most revolutionary inventions were the work of people
who tended to be more quiet, who did not seek the spotlight.1In
fact, it may be that the inclination to be quiet and deliberate and
contemplative is more likely to foster such achievements than a bold,
aggressive approach.
By some estimates, approximately half of us are more introverted than
extroverted.2 And that feels about right. The world was not
meant to consist of only one kind of person. Our lives are enriched by
varieties of personalities and dispositions, likes and dislikes, strengths and
weaknesses. We need thoughtful, cautious people just as much as we need daring
risk-takers. We need introverts and extroverts and everything in between.
Most of us have a
little of both in our natures anyway-traditional labels are too simplistic to
truly define anyone. And our personality develops over time; nothing is forever
fixed in place. When anyone neglects his or her talents, we all suffer. On the
other hand, when everyone is encouraged to be authentic enough to develop their
gifts and then selfless enough to share them, they unleash their potential,
make meaningful contributions, and find contentment-and we’re all the better
for it.
I hope this helps. I really care about people in my life that have struggles. And I know that we all have them. Sometimes more than at other times, but we all have things that are difficult. Hold onto the hope that comes from The Book of Mormon. Sing hymns. Remember that Heavenly Father loves you and would never say you are not worth it, or not good enough. He will always give you hope.
